Compared to the other “Occupy _________,” this one is more like “Take Up Some Space Fayetteville.” Hey, I give them credit for at least setting up camp and making a statement…


If there was anyone in the world who could compel me to rearrange my priorities in life, make me want to be achieve more and reach higher, realize how fortunate I am to even be here, it's my sunshine — Najwa Gaines.
I take my camera everywhere I go and take photos of everything I see. I have hundreds of photos of my lady. So why not stitch a couple together, lay them on top of Charles Cameron's "I'll never Stop Loving You," and create a video montage for Nduku Malombe?
The only things I can remember people saying about having a child is the sacrifices that have to be made with your time, your money and your sanity. And it's a commitment you make physically, mentally and emotionally. I used to ask why would I want to have a child. Then along came Najwa and I can't reiterate enough how much I love fatherhood!
Compared to the other “Occupy _________,” this one is more like “Take Up Some Space Fayetteville.” Hey, I give them credit for at least setting up camp and making a statement…


It’s amazing how after all these years, this is the first time I actually visited Fayetteville’s only landmark — the Markethouse. Probably because back in the day it was where they sold slaves, but still. I called a couple of my people and they all not only mentioned they never visited it, but they asked why I was there.
Regardless, we took Najwa downtown Fayetteville, NC, where there was a little festival and people walking around in character to Dickens’ Scrooge. I don’t know the story like that, but did Scrooge have a slave?
Chad was in town, and as usual, his schedule was so chaotic that we didn’t catch up until the next morning at IHOP. And he got front row seats to watching Najwa pretending like she knew how to use eating utensils.
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If she could only reach the gas pedal [or more importantly, the brakes], maybe I’d let Najwa take the wheels out for a spin.
NOTE: There were no animals injured or killed during this photo op. But 15 years from now…

Ankit, one of my co-workers, was hosting an event at Fur in Washington, DC. We stopped by with some friends, the first night out without the little one.



It’s funny how when you’re a parent, your weekend plans change. It used to be resting all day to hit the streets at night. Not it’s attend birthday parties by day and rest at night. Most of the time.
This weekend we went to Falls Church to celebrate Simone and Mars’ son’s first birthday. The theme was Transformers. Why? Because his name is Optimus. Only Mars!
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There isn’t much to say about the game between the Redskins and Panthers other than Hex Grossman and John Hex combined couldn’t do the things Dam Newton did to us this weekend. Can we get in on the “Suck for Luck” sweepstakes?
Photos from this weekend in Charlotte, NC, where I was hanging out with fellow die-hard Washington Redskins fan Mike Jackson and his family and friends…
Considering the cost to fly to India for a week with a one year old, Nduku and I are postponing our plans for celebrating Diwali there. Luckily, there was a Diwali celebration right in our backyard. But, of course, not quite the same.
Until we make it across the globe for the original, we hung out at FedEx Field where there was a celebration. To my dismay, and perhaps it’ll be the same on the subcontinent, there was no meat in the food! But there was plenty of entertainment with music and dance, plenty of new sights and sounds for Najwa to experience and a lot of eyes on us, three of the maybe 10 non-Indians amongst the hundreds.
When I went to the ticket booth to buy the tickets to enter FedEx Field, the ticket seller politely informed me that it was Diwali and not a Redskins game going on. Funny.
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Comcast is a joke. We’re virtually begging them to take our money and set up our internet, but for whatever reason, they continue to find ways to not set us up for internet. Hence I’m just now getting around to posting the photos from Najwa’s birthday party at Mandu. I’ll b!tch about Comcast later [then DirecTV after them]. For now, here’s Najwa:
Other than her mom and dad, Najwa spends the majority of her time with the babysitter and the other kids she watches. Here’s Najwa with Dillon, one of the other kids who’s known Najwa for more than half her life…



After we wrapped up Najwa’s birthday party at Mandu [I'll post those photos in a moment], Nduku set an appointment for us to take some studio portraits. My mom is in town and bought Najwa a traditional Korean dress called a Hanbok, worn for celebrations. I’m relieved Najwa cooperated, well, as cooperative as we could’ve hoped for considering her temper [which she might've got from daddy?] when forced to do things she doesn’t want to do [just like daddy].
The other dress Najwa was wearing was a gift from Belinda Sillas-Robinson, a friend from back in my Westover days. It was a BaByQ Shower gift, and we’ve been waiting for the right moment or it to make its debut.

Najwa is her very own room after we finally got everything moved in.
It’s safe to assume that it’s safe to assume when you’re allowed to leave work early you’ll get home early. That’s assuming there’s no flooding on the way home.
When Gokul, one of our directors, gave us the option to leave early because of the threat of flooding, I thought nothing of it. There’s was some water build up at the intersection outside the office [albeit with a car stuck in it] but nothing to cause me to think I wouldn’t be home in time to watch the clock roll past the time I’d normally still be in the office.
My first clue came when I got on the bus and the bus driver immediately said to me, “you can get on, but we’re not going anywhere anytime soon.”
The initial thought of him just being pessimistic faded after about an hour on the bus and watching rescuers pull a woman out from her car — with a life jacket!? — in ankle-deep water. Following the lead of another passenger, we did it the old-fashion way. We hoofed it.

I don’t know what the fuss is about, but these could be college football’s hottest uniforms. And the photo above is not two separate uniforms; these are the side views of one uniform, a designed inspired by the Maryland flag.
If anything, the old uniforms were one of college football’s worst uniforms, so what’s all the crying about?

Doug and I did a preliminary drive-by to see what we were up against. We averted our gaze from the clusters of individuals eyeballing us suspiciously but with anticipation. We rolled by as if we were uninterested, but really we were plotting how we were going to make our move without getting mobbed.
We parked not too far away when Doug said it all: “Feels like we’re hunting for a prostitute.”
Last time my mom was in town, she was there witnessing Najwa come into the world. Now a year later,she returns to celebrate Najwa’s first birthday.
As usual, being a typical Gaines, we don’t know what time she got to DC, but she just knew she remembered how to get to our pad. She did get one thing right — we live just off of M Street. Only she was on M Street SW instead of NW and after a turn here and there, she was in Oxon Hill.
Once we got to the pad, though, it was play time for Najwa…
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Sometimes I look back at how life plays itself out and marvel at how we all get to where we are today. One little decision here, another small one there, a stroke of luck, a pinch of fate; how Ashley and I crossed paths is in the history books, and I’m asking you all to sign your names underneath by giving the girl your support.
Let’s go back to how I even became a recruiter.
To this day I give all thanks to Kobie Boyd for presenting the opportunity to get into the staffing industry. I was nothing more than a retail manager who simply talked really fast. When I went to AppleOne to become a temp while my mom was recovering from a kidney transplant, Kobie [who interviewed me even though I rescheduled twice] asked if I would be interested in becoming an account manager for AppleOne. Though my mind was screaming, “Hell No!” I was worried that saying “Hell No!” wouldn’t help my odds of getting a temp job.
I was skeptical. Who wanted to spend all day listening to people whine [as I was] about not being able to get a job. If I was interested in hearing sob stories, I would’ve majored in social work. But then I asked the simple question, “can you even make money helping people find jobs?” Kobie started explaining how the commission plan worked. He went into details about getting a percentage of the “spread,” what piece of the pie you get when you place someone in a direct hire position, how we built up a clientele, sourced for candidates, blah, blah, blah…
He had me at “commission plan.”
Working in Fairfax has some advantages, if you look for the silver lining. Downtown DC, where I’ve worked for the past several years, has so many options for lunch you suffer from analysis paralysis figuring out where to get some overpriced grub. Where I now work in Fairfax, though, is like working on the side of a highway. Literally — Lee Highway.
So, today I did what I always do or lunch. I sat outside in the rear of the building, reading the newspaper and downloading apps because they’re free then delete them next week from their uselessness. But today was different. How do I describe it? Something weird happened. I was sitting on the concrete steps when I felt my butt moving. At first I thought someone was feeling me up, but when I looked over my shoulder, there was no one. But my butt was still wiggling against my wishes.
Nduku and I have been overdosing on House lately, so I had the brief thought that maybe I was having a House moment. Takayasu Arteritis? Chondrodysplasia Punctata? Eisenmenger Complex? I have no idea what they are, but whatever was happening to me wasn’t rhinovirus [also known as the common cold].
Najwa actually has a few weeks and a pound to go, but instead of waiting, we went ahead and turned her car seat around. At first I was skeptical about her sitting in the middle, visions of her flying through the windshield in an accident. Our friend Jenny, though, mentioned that most accidents tend to be t-bones, getting hit on the side by people running red lights or stop signs. Or if the car flips over, you don’t want your child right at the shattered window.
With the number of straps and belts connecting the seat to the car, I’m pretty sure she’s the safest passenger in the car. And now she has a view to go along with it.
Video of Najwa playing in the water when we were at the Sculpture Garden’s fountain at the National Gallery of Art in Washington, DC.
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A couple of photos of Najwa Gaines and Nduku Malombe as we lounge around the pad…

In a matter of a day, I went from an iPhone to an Android and a Blackberry [for work]. The biggest adjustment so far is relearning how to behave without my apps. It’s not that Android doesn’t offer the same ones, I just had to figure out how to download them.
It never dawned on me how empty life is without the ProFootballTalk app, but I finally figured that one out. And of course there’s Mint to see how much money I don’t have and without The Weather Channel, I kept walking out the door wondering if I should’ve carried an umbrella or not. They come in handy at the bus stop with no windshield.
Naturally with a new phone I did some exploring. Android has most of the same apps, but there are some missing and some new ones. But like the iPhone, there are so many I don’t even know where to get started. There are so many apps I downloaded and they either didn’t do what they were advertised to do or I just couldn’t figure out how to work them. nd then it took me longer to figure out how to delete them.
So, I ask, for those with an Android, which apps do you recommend?
With me bouncing from one agency to another and Najwa requiring more clothes, diapers and food than ever, Nduku made the financial decision to leave AT&T and get a Cricket phone. We both had unlimited everything, only mine required unlimited income and came with unlimited disconnections and unlimited dead zones around town.
I hate AT&T. Always have ever since I sold wireless phones back in the day. The only other company on my DNU [agency lingo for DO NOT USE] list was T-Mobile. How ironic they’ve consolidated my DNU List to just one company?
In the couple of months since Nduku got her Cricket phone, it became obvious I needed to leave AT&T and its nearly $200 a month phone bills. The defining moment was when I had no signal and asked her to call whomever I couldn’t call from my phone. Seriously? Cricket may not have AT&T’s coverage of 97% of Americans, but it worked in part of the 3% when I needed it to.
When Dr. Anderson said it’s better to overfeed than underfeed an infant, well, it freed us from the anxiety of asking ourselves if we were feeding Najwa too much. So, we fed her. Sure, she has chunky cheeks, and she’s got some weight relative to her age, but she is far from having an obesity issue.
Actually, she looks like a well-fed child, a healthy one with no risk of malnutrition, a fully developed body meaning a fully developed everything else, from her heart to her bones to her brain. I’d rather spend money now on an extra jar of pureed squash than save it for medical bills later.
But of course kids are kids, and one of the kids at the babysitter likes to call her “Fatty Mama.” Doesn’t faze me. It’s kind of cute, actually. It’s said out of affection. The kids at the babysitters love Najwa. And vice versa. As soon as we walk through the door they’re all in each other’s face and so far, Najwa doesn’t have separation anxiety as we leave, engrossed with her extended family.
But as she gets older, kids will evolve into little imps. Little devils. And eventually, someone’s kid is going to say something, not kidding, but meant to be hurtful. And there may be haters. And bullies. And there’s going to be a time when she comes to me asking for advice of what to do.
One lazy day, doing nothing but watching some Sprout TV, Najwa decided to add some sound effects to whatever we were watching. She’s developed a nice little range of sounds to her repertoire and is going to be a chatty one when she figures out the meaning of whatever she’s saying.
Here’s just a sample…
During Liberia’s civil war in the 1990s and early 2000s, I thought the two [or three or more] warring sides were all descendants of the freed American slaves who “founded” the country. I felt disappointed that the freed American slaves’ country had essentially self-destructed in the worst way. Blood diamonds, child soldiers, Charles Taylor — you couldn’t make this stuff up and it was playing out for the world to shake its head and say, “I told you so…”
And then I started reading more about African history and Liberia specifically. Come to find out, those freed American slaves, led by Elijah Johnson, landed in west African in 1820 and immediately began a campaign of hijacking the land from the natives and creating the country of Liberia, subjecting the millions of people already there to their rule. These freed American slaves and their descendants became the elite, the upper class, the rulers of the subservient and unfortunate families and tribes who existed there for thousands of years.
Several months ago I read Agnes Fallah Kamara-Umunna’s book And Still Peace Did Not Come about her life growing up in Liberia during its chaotic civil war days. From her book, as well as a few others I’ve read, I started to conclude that Liberia’s issues actually started when the first group of freed American slaves washed up ashore some 180 years ago.
Taking the perspective of a native, it became easy to say the “Congo People,” as the descendants of the freed American slaves were called, were the root of the issue. They were no better than those who enslaved them back in America. Well, they were a lesser evil.
But then, I just finished reading The House at Sugar Beach by Helene Cooper, a descendant of Elijah Johnson himself. She tells her story of growing up in Liberia just as all hell was about to break out and what life was like as she and her family fled Liberia back to America.
But it’s a book deeper than one woman’s story or the history of a country in turmoil. Being half-Black and half-Korean [aka Koreagro, Blasian, BlacKorean, whatever] myself, the search for her identity was profound. One moment she’s of top shelf in a country where her great-great-great-great-grandfather was known by all; the next she’s a foreigner at Dudley High School in Greensboro, NC, [just down the street from North Carolina A&T] resting at the bottom of the food chain, eating her lunches in the library with no friends. Her fall from grace was immediate and impossible for me to wrap my mind around.
We got Najwa her own pair of shades, but maybe it’s because of the elastic band that she simply won’t wear them. She thinks it’s a vice grip squeezing her skull. And she keeps her eyes closed the whole time as if it’s really a blindfold.
But, she got her hands on mommy’s shades. She’s just waiting to grow into them…

It’s been a while, but it still happens. No warning signs, no gut feelings, no way to know that Najwa is about erupt like Mount Vesuvius spewing formula everywhere!
We were heading home the other day, just passing U Street when all I heard coming from the backseat was Nduku spouting the long version of OMG sprinkled in with a few other expletives. Najwa had just downed another bottle of lactose free formula, but apparently there wasn’t enough room for it in her tiny little belly. So what goes down, must come out all over her clothes, the car seat and a little contact spray for Nduku.
I couldn’t assess the damage from the front seat, so I was going to stay the course. But from the sounds of disgust Nduku was making, it became obvious I had to pull over. When she handed me Najwa’s bib, I could tell that all five ounces got evicted from Najwa’s stomach.
We had to take her pants off and figure out how to clean out the car seat before we got back on the road. To make it easy, we put Najwa in the passenger seat [while parked of course], and it didn’t take her long to find something to satisfy her curiosity.
It used to be that whenever I was on daddy daycare duty while mommy was out getting her hair done, out shopping, at the gym, or just out, I had everything under control. Barricade Najwa on the sofa with a few pillows, pop a pacifier in her and off to la la land she went.
Newborns sleep so much that there’s really no interruption to your daily schedule. You just don’t get any sleep at night so you have no energy to do anything. Take a long hot shower, cook a 3-course meal, watch a movie without pressing pause once — nothing to it. But all I did was sleep.
And when she was awake, still all good. She had the coordination of someone who just took 8 shots of Patron, so she wasn’t going anywhere. She’d just lie on the sofa transfixed on the ceiling fan going ’round and ’round while I was transfixed on her. Even though everyone warns you to be careful what you wish for, you can’t help but say to yourself, “I can’t wait until she can roll over, sit up, crawl, walk…”
“Enjoy the moment,” I remind myself, “enjoy the moment.”
And then wish number one came true…
When I took the job at DSU Staffing, I was taking a leap of faith that the IT recruiting world was big enough for every IT staffing company to be successful. The decision was made partly because Manpower for whatever reason never made me an offer after temping there for three months [at $15 an hour which was the lowest I've been paid since I can remember], but more so because all the trending and statistics in the recruiting world said IT recruiting was quite lucrative.
See, I have a 10+ month who has rearranged my priorities. It used to be about making enough money to pay the rent, keep the cable on during football season and refill my stash of Mountain Dew.
Today, it’s about providing opportunities for Najwa, opportunities that are so much more obtainable when you have a job that’s paying you more than $15 an hour. This isn’t to say it’s not possible to achieve great things otherwise, but I’m greedy. I want Najwa’s life to be the envy of all her peers.
But somewhere along the way to making the decision, I went colorblind. The flags lining the path to my new employer were bright red. They weren’t waving proudly in the wind; they were waving to catch my attention and warn me from proceeding forward.
But who would I be if I weren’t living with reckless abandon? Life is no fun from the porch, so after deliberating with my brain trust, I blew right past those flags straight to the 10×10 cell block called an executive suite in Alexandria, VA, with no windows, shaky Internet connection and absolutely no human interaction other than a random phone call from the recruiting manager asking if I was ok living in solitary confinement.
I’m not sure when it happened, but when I was a tyke, I was given something with tomato in it. As soon as that gooey, bugery texture touched my tongue, I gagged. I was nauseated. I instantly started fasting, losing my appetite for days [or was it hours?], recovering from attempted poisoning.
And ever since, I’ve been convinced that tomato isn’t really a food. It’s a fruit, sure, but it’s not supposed to be eaten until you grind and smash the evil soul out of it to make pizza sauce or ketchup. It’s like ginger root. You don’t just chew on it like a Twizzler. You have to mutate it until its pungent taste, small and texture is reduced to an aftertaste.
The so-called taste of tomatoes makes me want to vomit. Whenever I order a burger from wherever, I always repeat twice — I repeat, twice — “No tomato!” And every now and again when my karma is running low, I sink my teeth into the squishy texture of a tomato which causes my tongue to shrivel up like, well, you know, like when a man gets in the pool.