Me? Move to Virginia? Everyone who knows me knows better than to even assume I would even consider it! Virginia? Seriously?
Now, I have a ton of friends in VA. I mean, it is just across the river. Virginia, though, just isn’t Washington, DC. And of course that’s why a lot of my Virginian friends won’t live in DC. I work, live and play in DC and like to [more like have to] be able to do everything I need to do without jumping on the highway, a parkway, a pike or a toll road.
The number one reason I get from Virginians about living in DC is the crime rate. But, have you check out some of the laws in Virginia?
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Now I’m going to skip over the absolutely inane laws such as “driving while not wearing shoes is prohibited” and “citizens must honk their horn while passing other cars” and “police radar detectors are illegal.” Can you imagine what would happen if you got pulled over for passing an unmarked police car because your radar detector didn’t kick in, you didn’t honk as you were passing and your shoes were in the back seat? Three broken laws and you weren’t even speeding.
But the Virginia laws that really baffle me, considering the motto is “Virginia is for Lovers,” are:
- If one is not married, it is illegal to have sexual relations
- You may not have oral or anal sex
- One may not have sex in any position other than missionary
- It is illegal to have sex with the lights on
You can’t have the lights on? Not that I can really understand there needing to be a law for the others, but it’s illegal to have the lights on while having sex? I don’t even know how to respond to that.
But — the one that probably is the most baffling, though, is that it is illegal to tickle a woman in Virginia. Now, I didn’t go to law school, but I promise I’m not naive. This is what a bunch of different websites say. I tried to find something debunking it as a myth, but Snopes had nothing about tickling other than Elmo.
You mean I can’t tickle my female friends while I’m in the state for lovers!? [I know, I know — Virginia is a Commonwealth and not a state. Virginians!] Someone please give me a compelling reason of why I would want to leave to DC to live in the Commonwealth of Virginia?
More Dumb Laws
Ok, Virginia isn’t the only place where the laws get really dumb. Actually, this entire country simply has a ton of dumb laws! Someone please tell me these aren’t true:
Iowa: A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
Maryland: A woman may not go through her husband’s pockets while he is sleeping.
Georgia: Movie houses that want to show films on Sunday must reserve one showing a month for religious material.
Philadelphia PA: You can’t put pretzels in bags.
Arizona: It is illegal to take naked photographs before noon on Sunday.
Charlotte NC: A woman must have their bodies covered with at least 16 yards of cloth at all times.
Check out what dumb laws are in your neck of the woods. You just might find out that you’re a criminal and didn’t even know it.
